Message by Pastor Ben today....absolutely straight to my very thirsty heart! God gave him a word 3 years ago, almost to date, during a very tough time in his life and he found it last Wednesday during another very tough time and so he shared it with us. Don't remember it verbatim but the general words were.."Just as the mother eagle pushes her babies from the nest in order to teach them to fly, so have I pushed you from your comfort zone, not to cause you harm, but to teach you to soar with me!"
The "going through the motions" as I have said so many times in the past, was SO MUCH MORE than just a ritual, it was instinct. A force of habit, a survival move that was embedded in me a looooong time ago. I was flapping my wings simply out of survival because instinctively I knew, this is what I am suppose to do and if I do it long enough, I'm gonna catch a breeze and eventually soar with the eagles.
As I was praying at alter call, I finally felt the word from God that I have sought after for 11 straight months now!!! He told me, "When I nudged you and asked of you something that was very uncomfortable and unfamiliar & you finally acknowledge it and was willing to follow & step into the unknown, I withdrew from you and waited...a proving time, to see if you could really survive and continue in what you know even if it wasn't easy...you have proven yourself to me and now I will send your answers!"
Does anyone else know what that kind of relief feels like? WOW....
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
It's moving now...
Well....my last post was about "Being still and knowing." Since that post my world has started moving again and I am so very thankful! I have had ALOT of prayers answered and finally feel like God may know I exist again...hehe I'm going to just start listing and sharing....
Within a few days of my last post, God opened a door and I was asked to start keeping a little girl on a daily basis. It was a major help financially and a consistent supplement to our income!
A group of her friends left as soon as service was over Sunday night and went to Houston to spend the night. We were at the hospital by 7AM and was able to see her before she went to surgery. She was in good spirits and said God has calmed her! We were told to prepare for an 8-10 hours surgery; First 5 hours to remove the tumor and parotid gland and the second 5 hours to do reconstructive cosmetic surgery. The tumor appeared to be connected to her main facial nerve on the left side and had several other nerves mingled through it. They were planning to clip the facial nerve, remove a tendon from her wrist and tissue from her hip to finish the reconstruction. She was told that the left side of her face would be totally numb, forever, and she would only regain 80% of the movement, which would take 6 months to a year to complete. So needless to say we were settled into the waiting room for the long haul. Here we are in our special shirt we had made for the big day "Friends Don't Let Friends Fight Cancer Alone"
Within a week of my last post, I was called and asked to show my house, yet again! So we cleaned and left- they were here for over an hour. That was Wednesday, on Saturday they called and asked to come back- another hours! By Monday afternoon we were presented with an offer and by Thursday were were signing a contract on our house!!! This Saturday will be the end of her "10 day option" and by Monday I hope to start packing my things and preparing for our closing on November 30th!!
We had special "Homecoming" services this last weekend and God spoke, broke and healed in alot of peoples lives, including mine! My friend, who was diagnoses with cancer, was promised that "God was not setting her up for a catastrophe but setting her up for a testimony." This picture was from her last service before her surgery....
A group of her friends left as soon as service was over Sunday night and went to Houston to spend the night. We were at the hospital by 7AM and was able to see her before she went to surgery. She was in good spirits and said God has calmed her! We were told to prepare for an 8-10 hours surgery; First 5 hours to remove the tumor and parotid gland and the second 5 hours to do reconstructive cosmetic surgery. The tumor appeared to be connected to her main facial nerve on the left side and had several other nerves mingled through it. They were planning to clip the facial nerve, remove a tendon from her wrist and tissue from her hip to finish the reconstruction. She was told that the left side of her face would be totally numb, forever, and she would only regain 80% of the movement, which would take 6 months to a year to complete. So needless to say we were settled into the waiting room for the long haul. Here we are in our special shirt we had made for the big day "Friends Don't Let Friends Fight Cancer Alone"
We received our first update at 10:30 saying "she is asleep" LOL But that the first phase was finished and they were currently removing the tumor. At 12:00 we received our second update saying, you will receive another update at 2pm unless the Doctor finished before then but vitals are all still good. At 1:30 they came and called her husband back to talk with the Doctor his phase was finished then. He husband came into the waiting room ALL grins and said "It's over! She's in recover and I can go see her in about an hour." An 8-10 hours surgery had been completed in 5 hours!! When they got in there the tumor wasn't even touching her facial nerve, it was encapsulated and about the sizee of a walnut. They were able to just remove the tumor and part of the parotid gland, had great margins, which means they removed ALL of it, and the only paralysis she will have is from the incision and will heal 100% is about 3 weeks! She is now home 3 days after surgery and on the road to recovery!!
I am so full of thanksgiving and peace right now....it's been a long road and it still isn't finished but I have faith now that I was lacking a month ago! I know that ....
"For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." ~ 2 Timothy 1:12 (KJV)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
"Be still and know...."
That has to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I have heard my Granny Harris talk about the "trial of her faith" that lasted for several years and I have watched other go through what I would consider to be their own trial of their faith but have never experienced it myself until this year...
Haven't blogged in several weeks, quite simply because I didn't want you all to know what was going on in my head...hehe I came to realize this is a very public diary and didn't want the whole world reading my tale of woes. But have in turn realized this is a diary and in a few months I'm gonna wish I had blogged on some of my experiences and emotions during these times....
Since my last post, we have been told that my very best friend has been diagnosed with cancer. In saying that, I want to clarify that it is a very small tumor, it is confined and they feel that after surgery on Oct 31st and then 6 weeks of radiation starting the first of 2012, she will be "cured" and not have to face this again! BUT, it is still cancer and along with the diagnoses came all the fears, tears and panic that always seem to accompany that dreadful word. I can only tell you what went on in my head not hers (I am going to encourage her to start her own blog during this process.) I felt helpless and scared. Then I felt this overwhelming sense of responsibility and protection for her and her family. It almost consumed me and I could have/probably did, smother her those first 2 weeks..hehe But, we have become more educated on her surgery, her treatments and her "game plan" and a spirit of calm & peace has stepped in where fear and panic once was. Now we are just resolved to get through this and get to the other side. She has an amazing spirit about it and will come through it with such victory, stories and laughs!! That's just her way and personality. (she has already bitten her Radiologist- another blog post-lol)
Since this discovery, God has awakened me almost every morning with a different song on my heart. I know this is His way of giving me just what I need for when I need it. Today it was...."He Keeps Me Singing." Which by the was is my Dad's favorite song!
I actually thought when we lost Ellison Claire, that we had faced the hardest trial I would ever have to go through. Well, I think this "Being still and knowing..." has been even harder for me. Don't get me wrong, I am happy!! Steve and I are still very much in love and our boys are healthy and thriving! Preston is doing so good is 1st grade and his teacher says she is seeing such an amazing improvement in him in just the first 6 weeks. Grayson, is counting to 10 and saying the cutest things. We have food, our cars still run, we are still very involved in our church and our responsibilities there. But I think I almost feel like "I am standing still and the world is going on around me!" ~borrowed from a friend We have taken some steps that could completely alter our lives and future forever but are waiting to see if they come to pass (waiting again) We have placed our home on the market as of June and not even had an offer (waiting again) Steve has been building deer stands since the beginning of summer to help supplement our finances and those are about to run out, so I have been asking around and feeling the waters for a baby to keep in our home so I can also help supplement the income and literally every door has been shut! It's just....."still"
Normally I totally enjoy the quiet and stillness of my life but right now it is so frustrating. As I mentioned at the beginning of my post, my Granny said her "trial of her faith" lasted for almost 5 years! She said she simply walked by what she knew in her head and not what she felt in her heart because he heart was hurting and leading her astray. She said she know in her head that any wrong decision made during that trial would forever determine the destiny of her children and husband- there was more then just her weighing on that decision. I pray I have her "guts" and can hang on until God feels I have learned whatever this is He is trying to teach me and lifts this from me.
I am not posting this to get sympathy or to make people think I am offended or hurt by someone. I am simply opening up my heart and giving you glimpse of where I am right now, so when I starting posting victory reports you can rejoice with me because you know where He brought me from...;)
Haven't blogged in several weeks, quite simply because I didn't want you all to know what was going on in my head...hehe I came to realize this is a very public diary and didn't want the whole world reading my tale of woes. But have in turn realized this is a diary and in a few months I'm gonna wish I had blogged on some of my experiences and emotions during these times....
Since my last post, we have been told that my very best friend has been diagnosed with cancer. In saying that, I want to clarify that it is a very small tumor, it is confined and they feel that after surgery on Oct 31st and then 6 weeks of radiation starting the first of 2012, she will be "cured" and not have to face this again! BUT, it is still cancer and along with the diagnoses came all the fears, tears and panic that always seem to accompany that dreadful word. I can only tell you what went on in my head not hers (I am going to encourage her to start her own blog during this process.) I felt helpless and scared. Then I felt this overwhelming sense of responsibility and protection for her and her family. It almost consumed me and I could have/probably did, smother her those first 2 weeks..hehe But, we have become more educated on her surgery, her treatments and her "game plan" and a spirit of calm & peace has stepped in where fear and panic once was. Now we are just resolved to get through this and get to the other side. She has an amazing spirit about it and will come through it with such victory, stories and laughs!! That's just her way and personality. (she has already bitten her Radiologist- another blog post-lol)
Since this discovery, God has awakened me almost every morning with a different song on my heart. I know this is His way of giving me just what I need for when I need it. Today it was...."He Keeps Me Singing." Which by the was is my Dad's favorite song!
I actually thought when we lost Ellison Claire, that we had faced the hardest trial I would ever have to go through. Well, I think this "Being still and knowing..." has been even harder for me. Don't get me wrong, I am happy!! Steve and I are still very much in love and our boys are healthy and thriving! Preston is doing so good is 1st grade and his teacher says she is seeing such an amazing improvement in him in just the first 6 weeks. Grayson, is counting to 10 and saying the cutest things. We have food, our cars still run, we are still very involved in our church and our responsibilities there. But I think I almost feel like "I am standing still and the world is going on around me!" ~borrowed from a friend We have taken some steps that could completely alter our lives and future forever but are waiting to see if they come to pass (waiting again) We have placed our home on the market as of June and not even had an offer (waiting again) Steve has been building deer stands since the beginning of summer to help supplement our finances and those are about to run out, so I have been asking around and feeling the waters for a baby to keep in our home so I can also help supplement the income and literally every door has been shut! It's just....."still"
Normally I totally enjoy the quiet and stillness of my life but right now it is so frustrating. As I mentioned at the beginning of my post, my Granny said her "trial of her faith" lasted for almost 5 years! She said she simply walked by what she knew in her head and not what she felt in her heart because he heart was hurting and leading her astray. She said she know in her head that any wrong decision made during that trial would forever determine the destiny of her children and husband- there was more then just her weighing on that decision. I pray I have her "guts" and can hang on until God feels I have learned whatever this is He is trying to teach me and lifts this from me.
I am not posting this to get sympathy or to make people think I am offended or hurt by someone. I am simply opening up my heart and giving you glimpse of where I am right now, so when I starting posting victory reports you can rejoice with me because you know where He brought me from...;)
"Though sometimes He leads through waters deep
Trials fall across the way
Though sometimes the path seems rough and steep
I see His footprints all the way...." ~He Keep Me Singing
Have you every had a similar experience or trial? What were some of the things that helped you hang on until you got through it? I would love to hear from you! Just remember...
"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalms 46:10
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I don't wanna grow up....
....it's too hard!!!
No one can make my decisions for me, whether it be what I wear, eat or what house to buy! No one is responsible FOR my decisions but me....so therefore I have to really think about what I say and do.
No more, crying and someone coming and fixing the problem or removing me from what scares me...when I grew up, I had to face those things head on and "deal with them!" With growing up came a lot of fun things like; cars, houses, husband, kids, adult friends, etc... But along with those things came a lot of not so fun things as well, like; repair bills, electric bills, clothes to wash, sickness, death, fights, etc.
The only true "relief" I know of, is my relationship with God and my trust in Him. Trust is such a hard thing to cultivate. It is not something that is just born, bought or demanded. It is earned, cultivated and given. But once you allow yourself to become vulnerable enough to trust God, there is such peace and security that nothing else can replace. Because if you truly trust Him and His decisions in your life, then, even if the situation scares you to death, you still have the security that He knows the way I take and has my best interest at heart, at all times.
So, in those times that I don't know where or why...I still trust that "He's got it!" and that's all I need to know!
No one can make my decisions for me, whether it be what I wear, eat or what house to buy! No one is responsible FOR my decisions but me....so therefore I have to really think about what I say and do.
No more, crying and someone coming and fixing the problem or removing me from what scares me...when I grew up, I had to face those things head on and "deal with them!" With growing up came a lot of fun things like; cars, houses, husband, kids, adult friends, etc... But along with those things came a lot of not so fun things as well, like; repair bills, electric bills, clothes to wash, sickness, death, fights, etc.
The only true "relief" I know of, is my relationship with God and my trust in Him. Trust is such a hard thing to cultivate. It is not something that is just born, bought or demanded. It is earned, cultivated and given. But once you allow yourself to become vulnerable enough to trust God, there is such peace and security that nothing else can replace. Because if you truly trust Him and His decisions in your life, then, even if the situation scares you to death, you still have the security that He knows the way I take and has my best interest at heart, at all times.
So, in those times that I don't know where or why...I still trust that "He's got it!" and that's all I need to know!
"Still I will trust you- Still I will follow
Still I will listen- To your every calling
Though the storm rages high- and I cant find my way
Still I will trust you, Lord!"
Monday, September 26, 2011
Momma's Apple Cake....
This recipe was passed down to me from my mother, who got it from her mother, who got it from an old family friend, Marg Whitsitt! My grandfather used to work for Marg & her husband Garald in an upholstery shop when my mother was small. This recipe is SUPER yummy, moist & sweet! Hope you enjoy!
* 4 cups of diced apples (peeled)
* 2 cups of white sugar
-combine and let sit for approx. 20 minutes (until sugar melts & makes a syrup)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
*2 eggs beaten well
*2 cups of all purpose flour
*3 tsp cinnamon
*2 tsp of soda
*1 tsp. salt
*1 cup of nuts (pecans or walnuts) optional
Mix with apple mixture and pour into a greased 9x13 pan
Bake for 30-40 minutes (until center is firm)
While baking cook the topping:
* 4tbp flour
*1 cup of white sugar
*1 cup of brown sugar
*2 cups of water
-boil until mixture thickens and turns clear
Add:
*1/2 stick of butter
* 2 tsp of vanilla
*Stir well.... When cake is finished baking- use a knife or fork and make holes in the cake
*pour topping over top of cake and cover well
* 4 cups of diced apples (peeled)
* 2 cups of white sugar
-combine and let sit for approx. 20 minutes (until sugar melts & makes a syrup)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
*2 eggs beaten well
*2 cups of all purpose flour
*3 tsp cinnamon
*2 tsp of soda
*1 tsp. salt
*1 cup of nuts (pecans or walnuts) optional
Mix with apple mixture and pour into a greased 9x13 pan
Bake for 30-40 minutes (until center is firm)While baking cook the topping:
* 4tbp flour
*1 cup of white sugar
*1 cup of brown sugar
*2 cups of water
-boil until mixture thickens and turns clear
Add:
*1/2 stick of butter
* 2 tsp of vanilla
*Stir well.... When cake is finished baking- use a knife or fork and make holes in the cake
*pour topping over top of cake and cover well
SO YUMMY!!!!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Do we ever outgrow it?
That feeling of security that having Mommy & Daddy close by brings, Do we ever get too old to feel it?
My parents have come to visit from Kentucky. They arrived at 3am this morning and I felt myself relax when they walked in the door, so much so, I turned my alarm off in my sleep and Preston was late for school *eek* Oh well...was some peaceful sleep!
Since they have arrived we have drank 2 pots of coffee, talked in depth about some of the issues/decisions that Steve and I are facing regarding the selling of our home, they have picked Preston up from school and my Dad has even had my tire fixed on my car....lol
I cant begin to explain how it feels to be able to look at their faces while discussing and sharing some of our hardest trials in our life and see their calm assurance, support & even respect for the way we are handling things. It brings such peace to me..... I am thankful!!!
My parents have come to visit from Kentucky. They arrived at 3am this morning and I felt myself relax when they walked in the door, so much so, I turned my alarm off in my sleep and Preston was late for school *eek* Oh well...was some peaceful sleep!
Since they have arrived we have drank 2 pots of coffee, talked in depth about some of the issues/decisions that Steve and I are facing regarding the selling of our home, they have picked Preston up from school and my Dad has even had my tire fixed on my car....lol
I cant begin to explain how it feels to be able to look at their faces while discussing and sharing some of our hardest trials in our life and see their calm assurance, support & even respect for the way we are handling things. It brings such peace to me..... I am thankful!!!
Mom and Dad, I love you!!!!!!
Monday, September 19, 2011
German Chocolate Cookies....
* German Chocolate Cake mix (dry)
* 2 eggs
* 1/2 cup of oil
*1/2 cup chopped pecans
*1/2 cup chocolate chips
*1/2 cup sweetened coconut flakes
*small can of condensed cream milk (to drizzle on top)
Preheat Oven to 350*
Mix ingredients together (excluding the condensed cream milk) - drop by tablespoon full onto a greased cookies sheet- Bake for 12 minutes and place on wire rack to cool- drizzle with condensed cream milk- Taste best while hot!!!
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