and then some...

Oh my, where do I even begin....I have come full circle, "and then some" since my last blog post!  My world has changed almost as much as it did when I got married...

We FINALLY signed papers and received a check for our home the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  It was prolly the toughest weekend of our lives getting the house prepared for sale (another blog post all together, maybe, I am actually trying to forget about it-lol) and the lady still wasn't satisfied, but, our real estate agent wanted this sale finalized as much as we did and offered to finish all the little details for us.  We READILY agreed...;)

We moved into our very small travel trailer, which we parked at my aunt & uncles until Thanksgiving was over.  My parents had come to help us finish things up and move, so we stayed close!

We survived about 2 weeks in the, tiny trailer, and decided we may need to go and see about a bigger trailer with more living space.  If we were going to stay in it any length of time...this is what the Lord blessed us with!!!

Our new trailer with 2 slide outs....

The very first thing we did was put up our Christmas tree...lol

We moved the trailer straight to my father-in-laws property, in Vidor and set up house.  We have simply, LIVED every since then.  The relief and calm has been so nice!  I can honestly say it's been a long time since I have felt this care free and happy!  Weird isn't it? 

The 30 minute drive every day taking Preston back to school in Silsbee, isn't my idea of wonderful, but it's so worth it!  He loves his teacher and has flourished under her teaching, so am NOT rocking that boat!

Yes, we miss our old house..:(  Preston asked me the other night if I missed it?  I said "yes, but don't you like our new trailer?"  His reply was "Not so much!  We had alot of good memories in our house!" Oh my!!  I know God's timing is perfect though and am watching Him unfold dreams and plans in HIS time and not ours!  Also, watching Him open doors, even in small areas, that are making this transition easier to make!

 I LOVE MY TRAILER!

Very thankful for our family, who has supported us during these decisions. They make think we are crAzY but have never said...lol  Trust me, sometimes *I* think we are crazy, so I am sure they have....;)

So, as for now...we are living in our new "Casa" and loving every minute of it!  Living it up until God opens the door for our "next step!" 

Thanks for allowing me to open up my world to you....MUCH more to come...;)

"The eagle is on the move..."

Message by Pastor Ben today....absolutely straight to my very thirsty heart!  God gave him a word 3 years ago, almost to date, during a very tough time in his life and he found it last Wednesday during another very tough time and so he shared it with us.  Don't remember it verbatim but the general words were.."Just as the mother eagle pushes her babies from the nest in order to teach them to fly, so have I pushed you from your comfort zone, not to cause you harm, but to teach you to soar with me!"

The "going through the motions" as I have said so many times in the past, was SO MUCH MORE than just a ritual, it was instinct. A force of habit, a survival move that was embedded in me a looooong time ago.  I was flapping my wings simply out of survival because instinctively I knew, this is what I am suppose to do and if I do it long enough, I'm gonna catch a breeze and eventually soar with the eagles.

As I was praying at alter call, I finally felt the word from God that I have sought after for 11 straight months now!!!  He told me, "When I nudged you and asked of you something that was very uncomfortable and unfamiliar & you finally acknowledge it and was willing to follow & step into the unknown, I withdrew from you and waited...a proving time, to see if you could really survive and continue in what you know even if it wasn't easy...you have proven yourself to me and now I will send your answers!"

Does anyone else know what that kind of relief feels like?  WOW....

It's moving now...

Well....my last post was about "Being still and knowing."   Since that post my world has started moving again and I am so very thankful!  I have had ALOT of prayers answered and finally feel like God may know I exist again...hehe  I'm going to just start listing and sharing....

Within a few days of my last post, God opened a door and I was asked to start keeping a little girl on a daily basis.  It was a major help financially and a consistent supplement to our income!

Within a week of my last post, I was called and asked to show my house, yet again!  So we cleaned and left- they were here for over an hour.  That was Wednesday, on Saturday they called and asked to come back- another hours!  By Monday afternoon we were presented with an offer and by Thursday were were signing a contract on our house!!!  This Saturday will be the end of her "10 day option" and by Monday I hope to start packing my things and preparing for our closing on November 30th!!

We had special "Homecoming" services this last weekend and God spoke, broke and healed in alot of peoples lives, including mine!  My friend, who was diagnoses with cancer, was promised that "God was not setting her up for a catastrophe but setting her up for a testimony."  This picture was from her last service before her surgery....

A group of her friends left as soon as service was over Sunday night and went to Houston to spend the night.  We were at the hospital by 7AM and was able to see her before she went to surgery.  She was in good spirits and said God has calmed her!  We were told to prepare for an 8-10 hours surgery;  First 5 hours to remove the tumor and parotid gland and the second 5 hours to do reconstructive cosmetic surgery.  The tumor appeared to be connected to her main facial nerve on the left side and had several other nerves mingled through it.  They were planning to clip the facial nerve, remove a tendon from her wrist and tissue from her hip to finish the reconstruction.  She was told that the left side of her face would be totally numb, forever, and she would only regain 80% of the movement, which would take 6 months to a year to complete.  So needless to say we were settled into the waiting room for the long haul.  Here we are in our special shirt we had made for the big day "Friends Don't Let Friends Fight Cancer Alone"

We received our first update at 10:30 saying "she is asleep" LOL  But that the first phase was finished and they were currently removing the tumor.  At 12:00 we received our second update saying, you will receive another update at 2pm unless the Doctor finished before then but vitals are all still good.  At 1:30 they came and called her husband back to talk with the Doctor his phase was finished then.  He husband came into the waiting room ALL grins and said "It's over!  She's in recover and I can go see her in about an hour."  An 8-10 hours surgery had been completed in 5 hours!! When they got in there the tumor wasn't even touching her facial nerve, it was encapsulated and about the sizee of a walnut.  They were able to just remove the tumor and part of the parotid gland, had great margins, which means they removed ALL of it, and the only paralysis she will have is from the incision and will heal 100% is about 3 weeks!  She is now home 3 days after surgery and on the road to recovery!!

I am so full of thanksgiving and  peace right now....it's been a long road and it still isn't finished but I have faith now that I was lacking a month ago!  I know that ....



"For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." ~ 2 Timothy 1:12 (KJV)

 

"Be still and know...."

That has to be the hardest thing I have ever done.  I have heard my Granny Harris talk about the "trial of her faith" that lasted for several years and I have watched other go through what I would consider to be their own trial of their faith but have never experienced it myself until this year...

Haven't blogged in several weeks, quite simply because I didn't want you all to know what was going on in my head...hehe  I came to realize this is a very public diary and  didn't want the whole world reading my tale of woes.  But have in turn realized this is a diary and in a few months I'm gonna wish I had blogged on some of my experiences and emotions during these times....

Since my last post, we have been told that my very best friend has been diagnosed with cancer.  In saying that, I want to clarify that it is a very small tumor, it is confined and they feel that after surgery on Oct 31st and then 6 weeks of radiation starting the first of 2012, she will be "cured" and not have to face this again!  BUT, it is still cancer and along with the diagnoses came all the fears, tears and panic that always seem to accompany that dreadful word.  I can only tell you what went on in my head not hers (I am going to encourage her to start her own blog during this process.)  I felt helpless and scared.  Then I felt this overwhelming sense of responsibility and protection for her and her family.  It almost consumed me and I could have/probably did, smother her those first 2 weeks..hehe  But, we have become more educated on her surgery, her treatments and her "game plan" and a spirit of calm & peace has stepped in where fear and panic once was.  Now we are just resolved to get through this and get to the other side.  She has an amazing spirit about it and will come through it with such victory, stories and laughs!!  That's just her way and personality.  (she has already bitten her Radiologist- another blog post-lol)

Since this discovery, God has awakened me almost every morning with a different song on my heart.  I know this is His way of giving me just what I need for when I need it.  Today it was...."He Keeps Me Singing." Which by the was is my Dad's favorite song!

I actually thought when we lost Ellison Claire, that we had faced the hardest trial I would ever have to go through.  Well, I think this "Being still and knowing..." has been even harder for me.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy!!  Steve and I are still very much in love and our boys are healthy and thriving!  Preston is doing so good is 1st grade and his teacher says she is seeing such an amazing improvement in him in just the first 6 weeks.  Grayson, is counting to 10 and saying the cutest things. We have food, our cars still run, we are still very involved in our church and our responsibilities there.  But I think I almost feel like "I am standing still and the world is going on around me!" ~borrowed from a friend   We have taken some steps that could completely alter our lives and future forever but are waiting to see if they come to pass (waiting again)   We have placed our home on the market as of June and not even had an offer (waiting again)   Steve has been building deer stands since the beginning of summer to help supplement our finances and those are about to run out, so I have been asking around and feeling the waters for a baby to keep in our home so I can also help supplement the income and literally every door has been shut!  It's just....."still"

Normally I totally enjoy the quiet and stillness of my life but right now it is so frustrating.  As I mentioned at the beginning of my post, my Granny said her "trial of her faith" lasted for almost 5 years!  She said she simply walked by what she knew in her head and not what she felt in her heart because he heart was hurting and leading her astray.  She said she know in her head that any wrong decision made during that trial would forever determine the destiny of her children and husband- there was more then just her weighing on that decision. I pray I have her "guts" and can hang on until God feels I have learned whatever this is He is trying to teach me and lifts this from me.

I am not posting this to get sympathy or to make people think I am offended or hurt by someone.  I am simply opening up my heart and giving you glimpse of where I am right now, so when I starting posting victory reports you can rejoice with me because you know where He brought me from...;)

"Though sometimes He leads through waters deep

Trials fall across the way

Though sometimes the path seems rough and steep

I see His footprints all the way...." ~He Keep Me Singing

Have you every had a similar experience or trial?  What were some of the things that helped you hang on until you got through it?  I would love to hear from you!  Just remember...

"Be still, and know that I am God:  I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth."  Psalms 46:10

I don't wanna grow up....

....it's too hard!!!

No one can make my decisions for me, whether it be what I wear, eat or what house to buy!  No one is responsible FOR my decisions but me....so therefore I have to really think about what I say and do.

No more, crying and someone coming and fixing the problem or removing me from what scares me...when I grew up, I had to face those things head on and "deal with them!"  With growing up came a lot of fun things like; cars, houses, husband, kids, adult friends, etc...  But along with those things came a lot of not so fun things as well, like; repair bills, electric bills, clothes to wash, sickness, death, fights, etc.

The only true "relief" I know of, is my relationship with God and my trust in Him.  Trust is such a hard thing to cultivate.  It is not something that is just born, bought or demanded.  It is earned, cultivated and given.  But once you allow yourself to become vulnerable enough to trust God, there is such peace and security that nothing else can replace.  Because if you truly trust Him and His decisions in your life, then, even if the situation scares you to death, you still have the security that He knows the way I take and has my best interest at heart, at all times. 

So, in those times that I don't know where or why...I still trust that "He's got it!" and that's all I need to know!

"Still I will trust you-  Still I will follow

Still I will listen- To your every calling

Though the storm rages high- and I cant find my way

Still I will trust you, Lord!"

Momma's Apple Cake....

This recipe was passed down to me from my mother, who got it from her mother, who got it from an old family friend, Marg Whitsitt!  My grandfather used to work for Marg & her husband Garald in an upholstery shop when my mother was small.  This recipe is SUPER yummy, moist & sweet!  Hope you enjoy!


* 4 cups of diced apples (peeled)
* 2 cups of white sugar
              -combine and let sit for approx. 20 minutes (until sugar melts & makes a syrup)



Preheat oven to 350 degrees

*2 eggs beaten well
*2 cups of all purpose flour
*3 tsp cinnamon
*2 tsp of soda
*1 tsp. salt
*1 cup of nuts (pecans or walnuts) optional



Mix with apple mixture and pour into a greased 9x13 pan

 



 Bake for 30-40 minutes (until center is firm)

While baking cook the topping:

* 4tbp flour
*1 cup of white sugar
*1 cup of brown sugar
*2 cups of water
            -boil until mixture thickens and turns clear
Add:
*1/2 stick of butter
* 2 tsp of vanilla






*Stir well....  When cake is finished baking- use a knife or fork and make holes in the cake



 *pour topping over top of cake and cover well

SO YUMMY!!!!!

Do we ever outgrow it?

That feeling of security that having Mommy & Daddy close by brings,  Do we ever get too old to feel it?

My parents have come to visit from Kentucky.  They arrived at 3am this morning and I felt myself relax when they walked in the door, so much so, I turned my alarm off in my sleep and Preston was late for school *eek*  Oh well...was some peaceful sleep!

Since they have arrived we have drank 2 pots of coffee, talked in depth about some of the issues/decisions that Steve and I are facing regarding the selling of our home, they have picked Preston up from school and my Dad has even had my tire fixed on my car....lol 

I cant begin to explain how it feels to be able to look at their faces while discussing and sharing some of our hardest trials in our life and see their calm assurance, support & even respect for the way we are handling things.  It brings such peace to me..... I am thankful!!!

Mom and Dad, I love you!!!!!!

German Chocolate Cookies....

*  German Chocolate Cake mix (dry)

* 2 eggs

* 1/2 cup of oil

*1/2 cup chopped pecans

*1/2 cup chocolate chips

*1/2 cup sweetened coconut flakes

*small can of condensed cream milk (to drizzle on top)

Preheat Oven to 350*

Mix ingredients together (excluding the condensed cream milk) - drop by tablespoon full onto a greased cookies sheet-  Bake for 12 minutes and place on wire rack to cool- drizzle with condensed cream milk- Taste best while hot!!!

My journey so far....



YEAH.... I am blogging!  I have read so many other people's blogs and enjoy them so much but have never ventured out myself.  I felt I needed to find a place to share my feelings, receipes, ideas and rants- Facebook doesnt let me type enough in my status box-lol

Since this is a new project for me, please be patient with me while I find the "look" I want and the design I love....It may change several times a day until I'm content.  According to my husband that may never happen...*sigh*

Just to bring you current, here is a little about me and where I am right now.  As, I have stated in my "about me" post,  I am 32 and somedays I feel every minute of it- then somedays I forget I am in my 30's with 2 children and not a footloose teenager again.  I met my husband during one of my many summer visits to my Aunt & Uncles home here in Southeast Texas, I lived in Central Kentucky where my father pastored.  He was just starting to attend their church and I thought he was pretty handsome....well the rest in history...;)  We married in October 2002 and rented a small, 900 sq ft, 2bdr -1 bth house for the first 1.5 years of our marriage. 

This was us while dating in 2002

This was us in May 2011 

January after our first anniversary we discovered we were expecting our first baby- YEAH SO EXCITED!  My parents where coming in for a visit and it was perfect timing to make the announcement.  I worked at a Law Firm at the time and 1 day, about a week after learning our exciting news, I realized, I was miscarrying.  This was devestating to Steve and I and we leaned very heavily on our friends and family to get through this time of disappointment.  But, God was good to us and on Fathers Day (June) of that same year, 2004, we learned we were expecting again!  In August of 2004 we purchased our dream home and watched God start putting the pieces to our puzzle together so wonderfully!

 Preston was born in February 2005 and I just couldnt go back to work...;)  He had us totally tied in knots and still does!! 



This is my "Preston Jerame Cole...."

In September 2007 we made the grand announcement we were expecting again and this time it was a baby girl!  I had a picture perfect pregnancy and we were all prepared to bring home a healthy baby girl, when I woke up one morning at 38 weeks and realized something was wrong.  I wasnt feeling her move!  After a call to the Dr's office and a trip to the hospital we were told there was no heartbeat and for a few months it felt like maybe there wasnt a heartbeat for any of us....Ellison Claire was born on June 3, 2008 and was picture perfect!!  The Dr's tell us there was a knot in her umbilical cord and it was just a 1/2,000 chance that it happens.  Once again, our world was rocking and we leaned on our friends and family to get us through.  During this whole process we QUICKLY realized, we still had an amazing 3 year old who needed us to keep his world normal, so Mommy & Daddy fell apart in private and Preston was told "Baby Ellison decided she just wanted to be with Jesus and she is so very happy!"  I have literally felt Jesus carry us during this loss....there are only 1 set of footprints in the sand during those weeks!!

As soon as Steve and I heard the news we knew we where going to have another baby as soon as possible!  There was a hollow place in our hearts that only a baby could fill!  So 8 weeks later, we were pregnant with another baby!  This time we decided not to find out the gender of the baby!  Had to keep an element of excitment to this "18 month long pregnancy" lol  I told people I felt like an elephant carrying a baby so long!  BUT....in April of 2009 we were blessed with a gorgeous, healthy & screaming baby boy!!  Grayson Alexander came into this world fast & furious, the Dr didnt even make it in time to deliver him, and he hasn't slowed down since...lol  Amazes me how God knows exactly what we need, when we need it!!  He has brought some much joy & excitement into our family!!! 

This is my "little monkey" (old picture but my favorite)

Now, our lives are filled with the fussing and fighting of 2 boy, school for our 1st grader, church activities and responsibilities, trying to sell our home and digging to know where to from here!  Since the first of this year we have felt God pull in the reins on us and we are standing absolutely still!  We know it's a preparing time for the next phase/stage in our lives but it doesnt make it any more enjoyable!  I have a gut feeling it's gonna be big though when it happens!  Maybe that's why I started this blog....

Let's start this journey..........